I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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