just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
