At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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