I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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