Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
