Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
