Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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