My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
