going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
