So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
