i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
