I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
