So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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