never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
