I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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