I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
