I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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