Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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