I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
