I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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