she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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