Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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