Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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