WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
