I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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