im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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