Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
