I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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