I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
