Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
