On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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