I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
