Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
