i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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