ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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