New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
3 2 1 whiskey
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
