We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
