There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
