I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
