You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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