drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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