when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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