I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
