He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
