i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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