my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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