you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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