I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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