the condom got lost in my hair
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
