I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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