I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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