her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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