I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
