I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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