I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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