doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
