Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
