He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
