If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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