i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
