Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize