Me. At least after what I've been through.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
