So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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